Half the Night I Waste In Sighs

I went to the city of my birth earlier this weekend. It's very weird, because I haven't been gone long, and everything has continued in its pace. There was no period of grieving. No one's life stopped. It was actually rather disappointing to see things that are different.

I realized a few major things.

1. I've grown up a lot in the few months since I graduated. I'm taller, weaker, more straightforward, healthier, and, surprisingly enough, more dedicated to school. I've recently affirmed the well-known fact that you really can have fun without drinking, and it might not be as good of a release as everyone assumes it is. It goes without saying that I really feel like toning everything down a little. Everything.

2. I actually miss very few people or things from home. Dorm life isn't luxury, but it's mine, and that's all I've really wanted my life to be. Here, I can be genuinely nice to people I like, and only mildly polite to those I don't really enjoy.

3. I never sleep. At home I slept for a total of 18 hours in two nights. That is literally more than three nights of sleep here. I can't decide if that's necessarily a good or bad thing. I still don't really feel rested. Maybe I just slept too long.

4. Class sucks a lot less than I keep saying.

5. My parents are not pushing me into anything, at least not directly. This is only really a recently discovered fact, but it should've been apparant long ago. Though I realize they would be a little disappointed if I suddenly dropped out to become a carnie (but I guess my hands are too big anyway...), they just want me to be happy. I'm pushing myself into this major and this classload, and as much as I complain, I really do like being a nerd.

6. I miss the worthless TV shows like "20 Skinniest Celebs" and "Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Duel." I refuse to pay $50 a month just to engorge my brain in such things, but the shows make me realize that our society really has too much free time, and I kinda like it.

7. My life could be a lot worse. And I mean a Lot.

8. I'll probably disagree with most of the above statements by the time Thanksgiving rolls around, but they are just things I feel like I should acknowlege, like global warming, Japan, and the JFK assassination.

None of those three things are really related.

Love, John.