Mood Rings, Bracelets, Beads

I've been reading back through a few of the letters that I wrote last summer, and while I'm so different I'm totally and completely the same. It's like no matter how much I grow up, I'm just a grown up version of my younger self. If that sounds confusing, it is. I am ready to be someone new.

Autumn.Autumn.Fall.Fall.
F-A-L-L

I'm READY for fall and different colored leaves and different colo[[red]] hair and windy Washington smoke-filled Avenue air. I'm ready for coffee shops and listening to my iPod too loud and not remembering everything and waking up backwards on my bed. I'm ready for Williams Sonoma and Pottery Barn and TJ Maxx and Salvation Army and Everyday People and Paper Denim and True Religion and Cole Haan and Nicollet. I'm ready for Stone Arch and the Format and the number twenty and Christmas music and kisses whenever I want them and As and Cs and forgetting to do assignments. I'm ready for writing things like this twice a week and getting text messages and dressing up to go out and staying in to watch Mean Girls.

I'm ready for dates and italian restaurants and chopsticks and Burberry keychains and Jonathan Adler and Michelle's bangs and orange and black 'I.D' cupcakes and buying shoes at thrift shops and wholesale and less pipetting and more latte-making. I'm ready for matchy-matchy and full-size beds and striped sheets and making you pancakes in the morning.

I'm ready for fitting rooms and rooftops and backseats of cars and golf courses and your bathroom and my shower and your roommate's bed and the balcony of every hotel and apartment in the tri-state area. I'm ready for nicotine and caffeine and angsty music and coffee with my wife and sugar-free vanilla lattes and being able to say "grande" and "venti" on a regular basis.

I'm ready... I'm READY[exclamat!!on po!!nt] . YdAeR m'I. I'm RE(a)Dy[insert question mark here] Yes, I think so.

And with three days to go I've got lists of things to pack and things to buy and things to miss and things to sing out loud and things to look forward to and things to make lists of.

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"So, whatever, I'm spilling my guts as usual. Uninvited, but it's like therapy for me... In a weird, let's-talk-about-our-feelings sort of way. So, you don't have to listen or try to understand. It's really disjointed, because I keep thinking of points I want to add, so I just go back and stick them in randomly, hoping it will sound smooth (it doesn't)." [[07.24.06]]