Today is a double latte sort of day. It's a double latte, Gucci glasses, Newport Lite sort of day. I haven't been very artistic lately, but today I have until 1:25 to be artistic, so I think I can cough up some enjoyment of life.
Yesterday, I went to Ash Wednesday mass at Grace Lutheran Church. I've got to say that Protestant mass is so completely altered and sometimes it makes me a little uncomfortable. I don't mean that in a superiorism sort-of-way. I was slightly uneasy because it wasn't what I was used to, and church has always been one of those places that I can count on to change so so slowly.
I have been to Ash Wednesday mass once a year for the past nineteen years, and I don't know if I've ever really understood it all completely (and I don't know if I ever will). It (as many other churchly things) remains a mystery. I really can't explain how good it felt to go after staying away from church for so very long. I am not religious, but I can find things in every mass that makes me feel a little better for a couple of days.
I can't sing. I don't sing anywhere but alone in my room (and sometimes you can hear me, but I pretend like you can't). I sing in my car. I don't sing at church or on the street or in the hallway or the shared bathroom. I don't sing at the airport or on the bus or when I'm listening to music in my headphones. I can't sing. You won't see me sing often, but I do sing, because there is no such thing as "being unable to sing." If you can talk you can sing. I can sing, but I can't sing.
Also, I am enjoying playing with matches. I think that if everyone knew anything I thought, they would just giggle to themselves and carry on with their life. I am not as smart or stupid or shallow or deep as everyone seems to claim I am. The only surprising thing would be how apathetic I really am.
"Must have been kind to kittens and birds in a previous life. I must have thought happy thoughts in a previous life."
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